June 21, 2005

I pledge allegiance to the United Federation of Planets

I can't believe that a school suspended an eight-year-old kid for speaking his own version of the Pledge of Allegiance. His version:
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Federation of Planets, and to the galaxy for which it stands, one universe, under everybody, with liberty and justice for all species.
Seriously. He's eight. He likes Star Trek. This deserves suspension? The mother reports that the teacher said the following in response to the boy's so-called misbehavior:
"Mrs. Jaworski. This isn't humorous. The Pledge is an extremely important and patriotic moment each morning in the classroom. I am ashamed of your son's behavior, and I hope you are, too."
Is Big Brother in charge of this school? Are we now training children to be patriotic at all costs? WTF?

This story via BoingBoing.

Zero rows returned

Wil Wheaton has a great post about buying a new geek-celebrating t-shirt and then trying to wear it for the first time. Oops. It's a great shirt; I've always liked the design though I don't have one of my own:

> SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0;
> 0 rows returned

(Rough English translation: select all users who have a clue. Result: none. Also available in a BOSSES variation...)

June 20, 2005

Sick pink shrimp: Are they aware of lightning?

Local news. When the body count isn't enough to pump up the newscast, things can get really odd. Just today: our shrimp are sick, and it's Lightning Safety Awareness Week.

Also, if you're a registered sex offender, you're now banned from public hurricane shelters in Hillsborough County, Florida. I guess that part about paying your debt to society doesn't count if you have the wrong kind of offense on your record.

June 18, 2005

Turtle Rescue!

My good deed of the week. Last night, driving home from work, I saw a Florida box turtle (photo) attempting to cross Hiawassee Road near a park. I can't imagine where he (she?) thought he was going, since he was actually leaving the safety of the park grounds.

So I pulled over in the right-turn lane, put my blinkers on, and went running back down the road like a crazy woman. That turtle was hauling his little turtle butt across the highway. When I passed him he was in the turn lane. As I was doing my lame sprint toward him, he was already in the right-hand traffic lane. Fortunately, the next car saw him (or saw loony me, and then the turtle) and moved over to the left lane to miss him.

Then a van came along in the left lane -- which was where the turtle was by this time. Man, that little guy could move! The van stopped dead in the road in front of the turtle, and I could see the driver leaning forward over his steering wheel to look at this turtle. I ran across the street, picked up the turtle, waved to the van driver, and crossed back to the park side with turtle in my hands.

I know some people say you should take turtles in the direction they were going, but there was nothing on the other side of the street but stores and houses. Not turtle-friendly.

So I looked at the turtle, and said to him, "Hey, you almost got tiddly-winked there." He just sucked into his shell. I've never held a box turtle that sucked into his shell before. Box turtles have a hinge on their bottom shell, so they can close up tighter. I could feel the bottom plate move when he did it. He stared back at me with his beady eyes.

I returned him to the grassy weeds at the edge of the park. I hope he'll stay there. He had some numbers painted on his shell in copper-colored paint, so somebody must be keeping track of him.

June 17, 2005

I control the horizontal, I control the vertical

This morning as I drove to work, I was considering how rewarding it felt to assert control over my life. I learned this when I was in college; it was the first time I was in a place where it wasn’t unacceptable to be assertive, to be in control, and as they say, it was Good. But Good Things are not always easy to hold on to.

As I listened to my Ipod-radio and melded with the traffic, a track from The Grey Album came up in the shuffle. I’ve never completely appreciated rap and hip-hop, though I get in the mood to listen from time to time. It suddenly occurred to me that rap is about power. I Own This. This is Mine. I Have Control. It explains the rawness of the sound, the aggressiveness. Kind of a ‘duh’ moment, I guess, but when you come from outside a tradition, you have to learn these things for yourself.

June 12, 2005

What Muppet Are You?

chef jpeg
You are the the Swedish Chef.
You are a talented individual, nobody understands you. Perhaps it's because you talk funny.

FAVORITE EXPRESSION: "Brk! Brk! Brk!"
HOBBIES: Kokin' der yummee-yummers
FAVORITE MOVIE: "Wild Strawberries...and Creme"
LAST BOOK READ: "Der Swedish Chef Kokin' Bokin'"
QUOTE: "Vergoofin der flicke stoobin mit der brk-brk yubetcha!"

What Muppet are you?

June 09, 2005

Remember "Choose Your Adventure?"

If you've never heard of "Choose Your Own Adventure" books, turn to page 38. Otherwise, click over to Uncyclopedia and play The Game.

And waste some more time while you're there, too, fooling around with Zork. Not the original Zork, mind you, but a twisted, bent, Uncyclopedized Zork. Add your own screen if you like. Just watch out for the grue.

June 07, 2005

I didn't need those channels anyway

My husband just informed me that channels 23 through 98 have mysteriously vanished from our cable service this evening. We can still watch the other channels, though. Something unapproved-by-Ashcroft being transmitted this evening? Hmm..